Whenever I post something that is personal I feel like I need to explain myself. I HATE that about myself. I wish I could just say what I need to at the time, and then let it go. But, I can't....it's just who I am.
I don't want to give the impression that I live in this unorganized, unclean, crazy life. Ask Brian...I go absolutely nuts if my house is messy, if my kitchen isn't clean, and if we don't have enough laundry done. I inherited this gene....I can't help it. I'm the type of person who needs to be told to "chill out."
I'm sure that there are some who would come to my house and say...WHAT? ... You don't think you're organized?!! But, when I feel like I could be better...I strive to do just that.
I am so thankful for the fact that I have an amazing, hard-working husband who is LOVING
I am so thankful for the two children I have been blessed with. They bring me more joy than I thought was possible.
I am so thankful to be privileged to have a house to keep clean.
I am so thankful that I have clothes that need to be washed, and dishes that need to have food cleaned off of them.
I am "blessed among women!"
I'm not looking for sympathy here. I'm just a young mother who is venting about the fact that I can't seem to get everything done.
I know that "this too shall pass." I tell myself that every time I catch myself holding my breath...frustrated. I know these years will be gone so fast....
I just want the readers of this blog to know something.
I KNOW that I am blessed. I know that I have it good. I thank God for it everyday. It brings tears of joy to my eyes.
But, I am human. I face the everyday frustrations of just not "doing enough."
I wish every word out of my mouth was positive...words of praise. I really am trying to work on that in my life.
Blogs are supposed to be "windows" into your world.
On that note, I'm just opening the curtains a little more...
Giving you more insight into what I'm thinking.
And you are probably thinking...."enough already....Go to bed!"
So...Good night!
We love you all...
13 comments:
You are doing a great job, Jamie. I wish that i was closer to help you with the girls. I hope they get well soon. I love you all to the moon and back!! Mother T.
Hearing you loud and clear, Jamie. Whew! It does seem like I was running a tight ship again by the time Kathryn was 5-6 months old. Ha~ not this time. It doesn't help that Kathryn uncleans. As in tonight... she spilled a strange concoction of milk and Kool-Aid on the dog's head and all over the kitchen floor and wall. The dog decided to go roll on the carpet to dry off. Agh! I must say my response wasn't all that great. We perfectionists struggle along don't we? The truth is that her character development is more crucial than how old she was when potty-trained (still isn't) and how many stains she manages to get on my carpet (off-white~ what were the builders thinking?!) It's definitely 'stretching' me in every way. God's best to you and your little people!
Wrap the girls up and Fedex them to us, so you and Brian can go away for a few days! :)
Jamie, I am not even close to being a veteran mother...but I have been mothering for almost 15 years now, so I feel like I do have a little bit of experience...
Just do your best...God will take your best, and turns it into a breathtaking masterpiece!!
No matter what age your girls are, there will always be housework, laundry....the good news is, they can someday help you with it!
Enjoy every stage!
I love you!
Sheila
P.S. before you know it...Megan will be going into 9th grade, and you will realize that she will graduate in four years!!!!(weep, weep!!)
Jamie, you are doing a great job and I enjoy your transparency. I am now on "the other end" - a grandmother. I now understand the saying "the days are long but the years are short". It is all a journey, some ups and some downs; continue to enjoy the journey!
I just love this blog thing. It is such a great way to "link" together with other Christian moms who face the same things. There is a certain sisterhood in this wonderful, challenging, joyful, sometimes exhausting...but always rewarding and beautiful journey we call motherhood! We are not alone, even when it feels like it. God is always there, and he always cares...and "we" are always there too. I mean other moms, who can relate, lean on each other, and encourage each other and rejoice with each other. That is something really special-to me anyways. I know that I really need that, and love that, and thank God for the fellowship and friendship of other moms!
Jamie, I admire your humbleness and honesty! It's not always easy to turn to others and admit we too strugle sometimes. Then you learn you are not alone...we all strugle sometimes, and we all rejoice sometimes, and those who do it with this wonderful relationship with our Father in Heaven (who has blessed us with many sisters to help carry us through) are truly blessed, and are not alone. At the end of the day, being a mommy is truly a privilage, blessing and joy!
Our pastor always says that "it's the Mothers who think they such terrible mothers, that are truly the wonderful mothers! Those feelings alone, show how much they love and care about their families!"
Jamie-you are a wonderful mother! I have never been around you as a mother (only as a senior in high school) but I can tell. What our pastor said is soooo true. It is so obvious that you love your girls (and your hubby) and are doing a great job as a mom (and wife) This is our service to our Savior. Our family is our (a womans) God ordained ministry. When we serve God (through our families) the best we know how...we are truly worshiping Him! What a privilage!
You inspire me, Jamie! Keep serving well!
God is truly blessed!
I don't know one woman who doesn't or hasn't felt the way you are feeling. I felt completely overwhelmed the first couple months after Bryce (trying to run a very small house, learn to be a new Mommy, and do a full time job+ doing medical billing out of my house).
There were times after Connor was born where, if it wasn't for my family, I didn't think I was ever going to make it.
Everyone goes through these times. Just letting you know you are far from alone. Still now I go through times of frustration because I feel that there are too many projects and too little time.
Blog away my friend. I know every "real" woman who really bares her soul, will admit to the same feelings you are feeling.
Some peoples blogs make it look like they have the perfect house, perfect kids, perfect life, everything is always neat and organized, but that isn't real. There are always things that you can't see.
Like I said, you are doing a great job, probably better than you even realize, but there is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling or from wanting to vent. And you don't have to explain yourself either. Love ya!
Jamie, I completely understand you - I feel the same way... more days than I like to admit. Being a wife, a new mom, working full time (from home), and teaching online classes can be VERY challenging at times. Especially when we don't have any family that is close enough to babysit on short notice. I too am a perfectionist and before I had Alex my house was perfect (99% of the time), everything was organized the way I wanted it to. Then I had Alex... and I was forced to learn how to let go and accept the fact that I could not do everything like I used to. It's very humbling.
Your post humbles me. I admire your desire to keep your home so well, to be in constant praise and still have time for everything! I am NOT a perfectionist, more the "artsy" type who has no problem letting my supper dishes sit in the sink over night so I can do one of my projects(like recovering and painting an awesome vintage kitchen stool...)! So my struggle is learning to balance keeping my home in order as well as letting myself have time to do the things that keep me from busting. I am also one of those moms that try and give my kids days filled with laughter and imagination. So there are times when my house is falling apart and we are all sitting in the livingroom in an inflatable pool(no water) pretending we're hiding from the tiger that lives in our entertainment center. Those are the best days! I struggle with the desire to keep a perfect house but struggle with the discipline it requires.
I admire you so much!
Love, Rayia
I'm commenting in response to Rayia's comment. I just want to say that you just painted a beautiful picture of the kind of memories I "wish" my childhood offered me. I personally don't think your prioritites are out of line. Your children will remember and value your relationship and time with them, with sweet, beautiful fondness. I don't think at the end of the day a child would lie on his bed and have that same fondness of a spottles house! Rather, perhapps a resentment that his mother had more time for the toilet and cobwebs than she did for him. What a sad, sad day that would be.
Father God, please help me to find and know a healthy balance in our home and in the lives of my husband and children which you have so graciously entrusted to me! Help me to be worthy of their love and the beautiful names I now have..."Wife" & "Mama" Father, I pray that today, you would help me to serve you well, through the ministry you have called me to...my family!
AMEN!
You are so much like me I am actually really surprised when I read your blog. It has been such a burden of mine about having my house in order. I have often daydreamed about the way my house was before I had kids. My house was spotless, all the cabinets were organized, our Cd's were in alphabetical order. There was structure and I often cleaned when it was unneccesary. I would not want to go back to those days. I love my life with my boys and yet there is a part of me that feels like I am going crazy with all the things I want to do and how my house looks. I go to bed at night and have to will myself to stop thinking about them or I won't be able to sleep.
This is something that I have done that helps me. I know that you love your girls, that is so obvious, but you also have a personality, like me, that wants to have structure and cleanliness. Prioritize your being a mom first. Choose to sit on the floor and play with blocks or dolls over cleaning the floors. It might be hard the first time but every time you make a choice to choose them over this desire to clean it will keep getting earier. Also, let the house go crazy for a certain amount of time. My boys are trained to this. They make messes! I like cleanliness, so we compromise. I have made certain rules. They play with certain toys at certain times. Once they are finished with the blocks they have to clean them out before they get the train set out. They can make the biggest mess ever in their room but not in my kitchen! They know that they have to clean up before eating, then they can mess it up again. They know they have to clean up before Daddy gets home, then they can mess it up again, and...they know they have to clean up before bed time. I know so many of my friends here tease me and think I am insane. They can't believe I keep my house so clean etc. But, I simply can't let my place go. I also totally take advantage of nap time. When they are in bed off I go racing around like mad cleaning my house and working on my list. Now unfortunely, they don't sleep at the same time so I clean once my kids go to sleep and Brian is in bed. Not ideal for me but I have to have that time to keep my house in order. So, figure out when you can have time to do the things that make you feel like a good wife and mother, just try to find that time when no one else is demanding you for certain things. You know what I mean. I hope this has helped.
I am a young mom of two also and so my experience is few but I can say I totally understand where you are coming from! Also, remember this. You are just now becoming a mother of two. It gets easier. The older they get the easier it is. I promise! :-)
Great post! I am right here with you, Girl, since adding another addition in Nov '07. My biggest struggle is that the baby is a slooow eater, and I seriously nurse him close to 6 hours a day. (No joking! I call it my new part-time job.) To top it off, Troy is in grad school, and there are many days he leaves early in the morning and does not get back until late evening. I jokingly told him it is a good thing my love language is not quailty time. :-) Here are a few things that keep me encouraged and hopefully have not been mentioned by others:
1. Make a reasonable daily list and check off each thing you do. I even write down every laundry load I wash and dry! By the end of the day, I realize how much I have accomplished.
2. Think of the day in 15 min sections. You can get so much done in that amount of time.
3. I reward myself for things accomplished. (I am such an incentive person!) If I get so much (reasonable amount) done, I have a choc treat, or blog extra, read a little, etc.
I am the same way with my house, so I get frustrated in that area, too. (And it is worse when I look around while nursing - I notice more dust! :-) There are things that I let go during the first year of the baby's life. I can always catch up on them later. And yup, we use tons of paper products and eat more pizza, but I am okay with it because it will return to a better state when the baby does not need so much of my attention. For now, I am enjoying this chubby little guy that almost did not make it here! Forgot to mention, I also keep lots of uplifting music playing which really counteracts my frustrations.
I totally hear you way out here in Nebraska! I admire you for your honesty, we all have those days. I don't believe there is a perfect mother out there, even though we all strive to be our best. Keep your chin up! :)
Soooo True: "This too will pass!"
Didn't have time to comment on it last week so thought I would now.
I don't know why this is, and I've heard many Mom's with more than two kids say the same thing...but for some strange reason it is SO much harder to go from one child to two than it is from two to three or four...and maybe beyond but I only have experience with four. "-)
I think it's because for those of us who do schedules we've got things flowing so smoothly and then a new baby comes and not only are we trying to keep the same routine for the older child but starting all over with a new one. After that, for whatever reason, a new child is just a new child and it isn't such a big deal.
I promise you the day will come when things fall into place again but for a few months you'll enjoy it more if you try to go with the flow and just let some things go.
Probaby somewhere around the third or fourth child I realized that it was more important that I spend time with my kids than it was that the medicine cabinet was in perfect order!!! I keep my house neat and clean but let some of the other stuff than I just personally like a certain way but no one else sees to not become so consuming.
Once your second baby gets to the point where she does one nap and then both girls nap at the same time in the afternoon you'll feel like you have a block of time everyday where you can get a lot done. But until then, get done what you HAVE to and take short cuts where you can and realize the day will come when you do have more of your day where you'll get a lot ore done.
And I'm also sure, you are most likely doing a whole lot better than you think you are!!!
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